How do you tell if you are congruent or not? When you ask a girl out, do you feel like you are shy or embarrassed when doing it or does it come out confident and nonchalant? If it feels strained you are not congruent and it will affect how many times you talk to women, how you talk to them, how you get numbers, etc… The less congruent you are, the less you will be getting. One of the main issues is that you might not even know that you are in congruency. You may be getting a lot of phone numbers but not getting any dates or you could have a lot of first dates but it doesn’t lead to many second dates. That means something isn’t congruent. She liked you enough for a first date but something you did didn’t jive with her original thoughts.

Okay, so if you think you haven’t been congruent in dating or want to check and see if you are, bring a friend out with you first. Ask him to watch your body language, etc… S/he may see something about how you are presenting yourself that might be sending mixed signals to the object of your desire. It might be something that it easily fixed but chances are it’s fairly ingrained in you if you haven’t been noticing it yourself. One of the things that I suggest is to take an acting course, specifically improv. You may think it has no bearing on real life but trust me, as a former actor it has a profound effect. What is dating except social improv? When you can learn to tamp down your telltale tells and to have the ability to roll with any punch thrown your way, it can vastly increase your congruency. And obviously another way to work on it would be (surprise!) to work with a dating coach. We are trained to see things that you might not see and can find the ways to best help you through it. Are you confident but cannot project your voice? Can you go up to strangers easily but can’t seem to get any phone numbers? Are you a first date whiz but unable to bring it home? These are all things that can be fixed. Together we’ll make you the most congruent BAMF this town has seen!

Come join me and one of my partners this February 10th, for a special single’s night at McSwiggan’s Pub in Hoboken. There will be specials, contests and we’ll be here to answer any questions you might have. More details to follow!

Her point is actually salient though. What she was getting at was that so many women and men give themselves absolutely unrealistic standards expectations. While instilling self-confidence in our children, we tell them they can be anything, do anything. In relationships we are often told so often that we should hold out for our “soul mates.” A lot of times I see people looking past the person they are currently with as a stepping stone and don’t take the time to actually BE with that person. With all the Rom-Com movies and Disney princes and princesses we are exposed to growing up, it can lead to unhealthy standards. When out and about on various social endeavors, I love talking to singles about their trials and travails. So often I hear women espouse things like, “He’s got to be over 6 feet, he needs to make more money than me, he needs to bring home little gifts for me….” While those things would be great to have in a partner, many of these women won’t even ENTERTAIN the thought of dating outside of their parameters. Right next to them could be a 5’10” guy, temporarily laid off who is a swell dude and they’d never know it. These same women then start aging, waiting for their prince to ride in and guess what? It’s not going to happen. Then they start looking back at the guy they broke up with because his nose was too big or was still in grad school or any number of little reasons. By the time one ages enough to realize what is important to have in a partner and what is not, we may have passed up many fine catches in pursuit of an ideal, a false idol that cannot possibly exist under the weight of its own attributes. Gottlieb’s point is to not let your life pass by, blind to what is right under your nose. Remember that old quote “shoot for the stars and you just may get the moon?” Always shoot for the stars! Just remember that the moon is a viable option.

Another facet of this emotion is not appreciating what one has at the moment. Not every person we date will be marriage material or even LTR material. It doesn’t mean that we won’t find joy with them or learn about life and ourselves. Too many people focus on the goal and don’t enjoy the journey. Not all of your longest relationships will be your most passionate. The hot, tatted-up bartender may not be someone you could ever bring home to your mother but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take enjoyment from being with them. I get frustrated when I hear someone say, “Well she’s not someone I would marry so I guess I have to break up with her.” Just because the endgame may not be “together forever” with her doesn’t mean you can’t have weeks or months of fun and quality time. Enjoy them for who they are and for what you can learn from the relationship. Everyone on this planet has something they can teach you whether they are in your life for 30 seconds or 30 years. It’s our job to figure out what it is. Without trying to sound trite or talk in generalizations, make sure your standards can be reached. And whatever type of relationship you find yourself in, try to enjoy it for what it is. Good luck in your search!

View original article here at the Hudston Reporter

No plan

Did you just show up and ask her what she wanted to do? Not a good start. Get a plan in order. If you showed up at your dentist and she asked you what you felt like doing, how would that strike you? It probably wouldn’t fill you with confidence. Be a man with a plan. Tell her, “We’re going _____.” My advice is a coffee shop or something simple, but for heaven’s sake, find a cool, funky one. Avoid chains like Starbucks or Panera. Even if it’s not her preferred place, you’ll get points for having a plan!

Not being a leader

Genetics plays a big part in our interactions. Not your dad or grandfather’s genes; we’re talking 10,000 years ago genes. Back when we were hunters and the women were gatherers, our job was to protect and lead. It’s still the same way. Women want a bold man to lead them. “I want a MAN!” as you have probably heard women say. Not an overbearing man, but one who is confident. Open doors, ask leading questions and know where you’re going and what you’re doing.

A date that goes too long

Sometimes a date can be going so well that you don’t want it to end. This can also be a pitfall. Imagine going to a party where you’re having a blast. The music is great, the wine is flowing like, well, wine and everyone is talking and is interesting. You think about going but decide to stay longer. Then the alcohol runs out, the person who owns the iPod disconnects it and goes home and all the interesting people leave. There you are, with a warm drink, no music and everyone is just milling around. Once you leave, you have a sour taste in your mouth when you think of the party. Same deal here. We usually recommend an hour for your first date. Get in, get out, and leave them wanting more.

A too-complex date

“Okay, first we’re going to grab a drink at McDrinker’s but we have to leave by 8:45 so we can make it in time for the 9 show at the Comedy Club. You wait in line while I go grab movie tickets for the midnight showing of The New Action Movie and I’ll meet you at the table. Try to get one near the back in case the show runs long and we need to duck out early.” While I applaud your leadership skills, over-scheduling and over-committing is never a good thing. It doesn’t give her time to settle in and enjoy herself without thinking of the next thing. Make it fun but relaxing and stress-free. She is there for you; in fact, the whole first date is to get to know each other. If you are doing all this activity, guess what…? By the end of the date you will know as little about her as at the start. Worse, dating is emotional and when our energy and attention unfocused, you are less likely to connect and get to know your date. AKA, it will be your one and only date with her.

Trying for a second date

Everyone wants a second date. Even before she shows up she is hoping there will be a second date in her future. But if you are trying to set up a second date before the first one is even over, it’s not going to look good. First off, you’ll come off as desperate. Like you are trying to lock her in before she realizes you aren’t worth one. Also, on the other side, what if she agrees and later you find out she’s a closet psycho. Leave planning the next date for a phone call a few days later. It is not an interview, and if you treat it as such, you won’t meet anyone of quality. Dating should be and is supposed to be fun and not too serious an experience, especially on the first date. Show your lighter side, enjoy the company and only after the date decide if you will call her or not. Guess what, you just might have so much fun together that decision has already been made for you!

If you would like to learn more of what to do on the first date, second date and beyond, contact me!

So with school starting back up for the kids, I thought I’d do a little Dating 101 prep course for everyone. Hopefully these helpful tips will aid you in finding a nice hibernation-mate come the winter!

Meeting

Men: You have to do the approaching. I know it’s tough sometimes but women want someone who is bold enough to overcome their trepidation and charge forward.

Women: Don’t make it harder for us than it needs to be! If you want us to come over, make sure you at least give us a smile or something. Believe it or not, the male ego is much more fragile than yours. Help us out.

General: If you keep meeting the same kinds of people in the same place you normally go to, branch out and try something different.

Cell Phone Etiquette

Men: Texts are fine for some back-and-forth but when it comes to setting up a date, women really appreciate a phone call. It won’t kill you.

Women: Please don’t be upset with us that we don’t like to talk on the phone as much as you. We’re just not built that way.

General: To alieveate confusion when a call is dropped, THE PERSON WHO MADE THE CALL is the one who calls back. This will save calls being crossed, unnecessary voicemails and time.

The Date

Men: A night hanging out with your friends is not a “date.” It should be just the two of you. And don’t think you only can do dinner/movie/drinks. Get creative, she’ll appreciate it.

Women: Don’t leave it all up to us. Give us some general likes or dislikes so we can narrow it down. Finding out you’re allergic to seafood as we sit down at The Chart House could have been easily avoided.

General: If this is someone you think you like, limit your alcohol to 2 or 3 drinks max. Nobody wants a sloppy date.

Paying

Men: For the first couple of dates, we pay. No it’s not fair, but there it is. Of course, if she genuinely offers to pitch in, don’t be rude and shut her down.

Women: At the beginning we expect to pay, but don’t pretend it’s a foregone conclusion. Make a polite attempt, it’ll make us feel good. As you date longer, don’t mooch off the guy. Pick up a tab here and there.

General: Tip well. The other will notice if you don’t. 15% is the new minimum.

End of Date

Men: If you decide to swoop in for the kiss, make it short and sweet. Don’t attack her. If she liked it, believe me, she’ll reach for seconds.

Women: If you’ve already decided that you we’re not your type, don’t let us believe the date is still going well. Otherwise we are going to feel like a fool. Stick out your hand and say “goodnight.”

General: Less is more. I know we are all very sexual people and we live in a wonderfully liberal world. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Let the tension build!

Post Date

Men: Forget the 2-day rule. If you had a good time on the date, let her know. A simple text, “Had a great night! “ will do just fine.

Women: Don’t try to over-analyze anything we did. We’re not that subtle. Take anything he said for face value.

General: Don’t play games about “being busy” or waiting days to reconnect. Everyone appreciates people being honest.

Gifting

Men: If you’ve been dating for more than a month, a card is expected for whatever event it is (birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc…) I know it sound lame to just get a cheap card, write a sentence, sign and give it to her but women will look at it as much more. You cared enough to actually think about and take time to do it. On the flip side, if you don’t get her anything, she’ll assume you DON’T think about her. After 3 months, you need to get a gift.

Women: Remember how nice you felt when that old boyfriend brought you flowers for no reason? Well we like to know we’re being thought of and appreciated also! Make it a 6-pack of nice beer or his favorite mag. It will delight us as much as flowers would you.

General: Don’t overspend. If it’s too soon, you’ll look desperate.

I am 28 and in real need of some advice on where to start looking to pick up some dates. I am not the bar type of person. I am bit old fashioned. I am more on the conservative side, go to church on Sundays, not a big drinker, etc. I am not athletic but wouldn’t mind improving in that area if it would help. Everyone I know met someone when they were in school. At this point those days are over for me. I have only a few friends and they are just not the social type. They are single. Stuck in the same old routine like me. I work from home so I don’t have coworker potential. My taste in music is on the retro side. I am into music from the 20′s through 50s. This makes it hard to socialize and hang out since I am not into any of the new stuff.

I like ballroom dancing but that just seems to get me always stuck in the older circle of people. Are there any young venues with places to go besides studios where you have to sign up for classes and monthly packages etc just to find out that there is no one that I am interested there? Going out on my own just isn’t going to work. I have no cousins my age. They are around 20+ years older, married with kids and live in another country. I have very limited experience with girls. Is there any hope for me?

It seems like I am stuck with a series of dead ends all around me.

Thanks for your time and advice.

Charlie

Hello Charlie and thanks for writing in. I get many letters like yours so I’m hoping that your situation could help others out there too. I know that when one thinks of the “single scene” in the greater NYC area, visions of bottle service¸ Dolce & Gabbana and $20 cover charges come to mind. And yes, while that is part of it, it’s only thought of because it’s so vociferous and in-your-face. This is the largest city in the country and there are plenty of opportunities of all kinds here.

Let me first start off with saying that to meet more people involves work and will involve some discomfiture. If it was easy, everyone would have someone. But if you don’t risk, there’ll be no reward. You also have quite a few things that you enjoy, so that will open the possibilities for you. You mentioned you like ballroom dancing, which is great as it’s so social! And let’s be honest, a man that can dance has a definite edge in meeting women. There is a studio in NYC called Stepping Out Studios (steppingoutstudios.com) that not only has their own, younger crowd of students, but they also hold events out at clubs where anybody can join without any sort of commitment. That way you can just dip your toe in if you want. I’m sure at the jazz clubs around you could find many Josephine Baker singers or check out 169 Bar in lower Manhattan for some “less up to the minute” music.

If you just don’t want to be anywhere where people are getting drunk, ZOG sports offers some fun extra-curricular activities to join such as Dodgeball, Kickball, Bowling or others. And please believe me when I saw that you don’t need any athletic ability to play/join these teams. It’s all tongue-in-cheek and can elicit a lot of laughter. You just have to have a good sense of humor. There are other leagues like darts or pool (which I belong to) that abound in this area that might be something you could look into.

Also, I know that some people look at internet dating as scary or holding a stigma but I am a big proponent of it. Now, don’t just do a scattershot approach. There are plenty of specific sites for say, Christian singles, singles who don’t drink, singles who like to dance, etc… Also, try meetup.com. They have an insane amount of groups that meet up around here from music to marketing to mixers. Whatever you enjoy, I will practically guarantee that there’s a group of like-minded individuals.
At the end of the day, if you do not change your own life, do not expect anything to change. Sometimes one has to go out on a limb to affect change. Look at it this way, the only thing you can lose is some time and energy. What you could gain could be sky’s-the-limit. Also, if you get rejected or something doesn’t develop out of it, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not that there was something wrong with you, it’s just that the two of you weren’t right for each other. Try not to take it personally, though I know that’s easier said than done. I was an actor for 10 years and I had to learn in my own head that when I didn’t land a job that it wasn’t a personal rejection of me, it’s just that I wasn’t right for that specific part right then. Bring out a friend with you to help you feel more comfortable if you’d like. Also, be honest with the people you meet, don’t try to play up to what you think they want. Someone is looking for someone exactly like you are now. Just do SOMETHING, otherwise nothing will change! Good luck and feel free to keep us/me updated!

Just call me Dr. Date. It seems as if I’m the resident “doctor” of the group now. Have you ever met a doctor out socially and immediately start describing the weird pain you’d having in your tendons? That’s kind of what my life is like now. Any time I tell people what I do, if they are single, they start launching into this and that and last week this and next month that. I don’t mind, I find it very entertaining. Each person’s situation is so different from everyone else that it’s fun to pick it apart and see where to start helping. There are some things though, that are universal and can help everyone out.

One of the things that really bothers me is when people say things like, “I have the 100% guaranteed way to always meet girls!” or “Learn this 1 fact and never be lonely again!” It’s hogwash, frankly. Two words you’ll almost never hear me say are, well, “never” and “always.” These words get bandied about so much as to lose their power. Those two words are certainties and absolutes. And anyone that his lived even a few decades knows that life is far from certain. There is no magic bullet. There is no “sure thing.” Everything is a process, even dating. I compare it to tennis. No one can just pick up a racket, spend an hour or even a weekend learning how to use it and then jump right into a competition and expect to be on easy street. The same with dating, especially with dating. You are changing yourself and self is resistant to change. To learn how to hit the ball in tennis, you may hit the ball against a wall hundreds or thousands of times until it feels natural and second nature to you. Yet most people won’t put that same mentality towards their dating life. They feel as if every person, every approach or conversation might be “it” (and it’s true it might be) and if it doesn’t work out, they take it personally. For the guys out there, this would be in approaching women. If you truly want to improve, you have to practice, like in anything. The more times you go up and talk to a girl, the easier it will become until, like tennis, it becomes second nature. You don’t have to want to date the person to want to talk to them. Just last week I was hosting a dating event and there were two middle-aged ladies who were both sporting wedding rings. I was curious why they were there and went and chatted with them for awhile. They were fun and fascinating to talk to and when they found out what I did for a living they got all excited and wanted a bunch of my cards to give to people they felt could use it. Consider it honing your skills for the ones you actually DO want! Talk to your local barista, ask a woman on the street for directions, politely inquire about a book a fellow subway rider is reading. Practice, practice, practice!

One of my favorite quotes is by Albert Einstein (allegedly). “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” I feel like this applies to a lot of women I meet. Whilst lamenting the sorry state of affairs of their dating life, they’ll ask for my help. When asked to describe how they are attempting to meet people, invariably I get, “We go out on the weekends to the bars or clubs or lounges.” Now this response can really set me to gnashing my teeth. I don’t mind this if you go out because you are enjoying being out with friends and meeting new people. The ones that get me are the people that say that they are truly looking for someone. If you keep looking in the same spots, you’re going to keep finding the same people. Expand your sphere of influence. Branch out. People in this area are very experimental with their food, trying new things all the time. Use that same mentality and search out other venues and locales that could be populated by like-minded singles.

Like any new activity, there is going to be a learning curve. That is okay, that is normal. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Any new routine will cause some discomfiture but that will decrease as you practice more. If you are truly to get out there and make it happen, you might want to look at things that you haven’t looked at previously. Just remember that this is a process, not a light switch. Don’t expect it to change immediately and don’t get down on yourself if it takes some time. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Six Sigma is a process for improving businesses and reducing errors. Lately I have been wondering if the same things that have helped countless institutions could also be used in something as esoteric as dating. I know a lot of my readers out there are in the business world and probably very successful. Let’s put your know-how and acumen to work improving your love life!

Six Sigma’s basis is DMAIC. That stands for Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve and Control. And while I know that improving your dating life is not like reducing the amount of defective Skittles found in a pack, I thought I’d take a stab at it.

Define: Figure out what exactly it is that you want. Do you want to meet more people? Get more phone numbers? Have more second dates? Get asked out more? In order to fix a problem, you need to know exactly what you want to fix. Making it too broad can be overwhelming and confusing. Break it down into manageable parts.

Measure: Before improving anything you first need to know what you are doing now and how it is going. This is basically your data collection phase. How many hours per week do you spend on looking for love? (Trolling the internet for hours every night does not get full credit.) How many events/bars/places do you go to each month? How many 1st dates have you been on in the last month? Heck, created a little table for yourself. I know I may sound like I’m taking the romance or spontaneity out of it, but if you seriously want to help yourself, try it out. No one has to know. Make it something like this:

Looking for Dates:
Location gone to
Type of location
Outfit worn
Alone or with friends
Number of people conversed with and approximate length of time
Names learned
Numbers/contact info received

Going on Dates:
Date gone on
Who with
Outfit worn
Place(s) gone
My choice/their choice
Topics discussed
Total time out together
High point
Low point
Do I want to see them again

Feel free to make as many extra points as you want.

Analyze: The goal of this is to be able to find and recognize patterns. Sometimes the data is staring at you right in the face. Maybe most every date where you’ve enjoyed yourself was on weekday evening at a place you’ve chosen, spending less than 4 hours with each other. Or every single time you’ve gone to a certain locale, you get approached and chatted up. It can help you figure out what is and is not working for you. Maybe “Live Music Thursdays” isn’t the best place to try and hold a conversation. The more data you have, the easier it is to analyze it.

Improve: Once you have all your dating experience laid out in front of you and have been able to analyze it, it’s time to improve it. While you definitely want to do more of what was working for you, we are trying to get better. If nobody seems to join in your conversations regarding how to remove phosphates from water but that’s your job, just shift it to how you’re trying to better the environment. If you rarely or consistently wear make-up, try the other way. If people seem to enjoy you the most when you are being funny, read up on weird or funny anecdotes on the ‘Net. If looking at your data, you realize there are some permutations that you haven’t tried yet, go ahead and try them. Look at it this way; if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, how can you improve?

Control: All this is saying is that once you improve, control it so that you do not slip back to where you were before. It takes work to keep it up and sometimes we are guilty of slacking off and letting things return back to the status quo after an initial burst of productiveness. If you truly want to improve your dating life, you might want to drag your ass up off the couch, shower, dress and head out. You have to look at it like a job or a commitment and you won’t get that raise you’ve been wanting by going home early every day.” I mean, if it works out for you, you won’t ever remember the effort you put into it, you’ll just be so happy you’ve met someone.

So for all you dorks, dweebs, and nerds (and I say this lovingly as I still have my 20-sided die and Star Wars posters in my apartment) out there just remember; you can apply your technical abilities to any aspect of life! Why should only your employers and clients benefit from such great know-how? Let’s adopt and adapt this tool to use to our advantage and become Master Black Belts in the dating world!

(My thanks to F. Partovi, Ph.D. and J. Golek, Ph.D for their Six Sigma help.)

So the other day I was reminiscing about my past experiences and remembered something that I want to discuss. Firsts stick with you. Do you remember your first date? Your first time getting drunk? The first sleep over you had, whether innocent or not? The first time you caught a fish? My point is that the first time you usually do something, you remember it and you remember the people you experienced it with. I’ll bet you can tell me where you were the first time you said “I love you.” However, sometimes we forget about that old joy and get into a dating rut. Dinner, drinks, movies, whatever. With the weather getting nice, it’s time to dust off those skills and get creative. Take her (or him) for a first. No matter what happens, some small part of their heart will indelibly be yours forever. Every time they remember it, they’ll remember you. I remember one date in college where we *ahem* found ourselves in an area that “technically” we were not supposed to have access to after dark. **Shrugs** Whatreyagonnado, it was college… Anyways, we got into an arboretum and just walked around in the moonlight down the trellised paths hand in hand. Listening to the wind stir in the palm fronds with the adrenaline of being somewhere we were not supposed to be, watching the moonshadows dance around us with just a touch of silly fear at being there in the dark was a heady mixture. I couldn’t tell you tell you most of the dates I had in college, but that one sticks with me. And it wasn’t anything crazy or wild or planned out. It just kinda happened. I’m just saying, let’s do some different things this season.

Even if you’re mired deep in the urban jungle, there are ways of greeting the Spring and having fun. Instead of meeting for coffee at Starbucks, go to Grand Central Station and sit on a bench. Make up stories about the people coming and going. Or make up games for yourselves. Try to find 3 people with red pants or 5 mustaches (bonus if it’s a handlebar.) Make a fun lunch date and bring your inamorata or beau up onto your apartment building roof and have a picnic complete with sandwiches and chips, veggies and dip, chocolate covered strawberries and of course vino. Find out when the closest botanical gardens are having their spring bloom. If you don’t live near one, go to the library and borrow a book on local trees and take a walk in the woods, trying to identify as many trees as you can. If you’ve got a little money you can drop try the Cornucopia Cruise Lines. They have dinner cruises that leave from Hoboken or Perth Amboy. You can take someone out to dinner anywhere, but it’s truly something to remember when you’re out on the water at night, Jameson on the rocks in hand, sitting and looking at this gorgeous woman you have with you bathed in reflected city lights, smiling at this wonderful evening you planned. All it takes is a little bit of foresight on your behalf and you can turn what can be dating drudgery into a delightful dalliance!

However, in my life and work I am always amazed at how many people share their horror stories or trepidations with me. To a lot of people the act of dating is as scary and daunting as running a gauntlet. Well, hopefully I can help you all out a bit. Since Valentine’s Day or “Singles Awareness Day” is coming up, I figured I’d give some tips and advice to make that day fun. If you are single, have no fear. I have always found the Valentine’s Day is a great time to meet someone. If you go out, chances are, every other person out is single and in the same boat. It’s kind of like New Year’s Eve, everyone wants someone to kiss at midnight. There is usually a good vibe out on V-day so don’t sit home eating ice cream or playing Xbox. Use this as a good time to go out and meet people! And since this year it is on a Sunday of a long weekend, it gives you extra time to stay up late! If you enjoy the bar scene and want to hang out in a bar reminiscent of a northern ski lodge, check out McSwiggan’s Pub on 1st and Bloomfield. They always get a good crowd there and on the 14th they are having a special “Traffic Light Bash.” Singles wear a green sticker, if you’re taken, you have a red one and yellow’s for that tricky in-between thingy. There’ll be a live DJ and shot specials. Paddy and Jess are also very wise as they’ve seen thousands of us on dates. Paddy says, “The bartender is your best friend. If you come here on lots of first dates, let us know, we’ll help you out. Also, if you’re on a date, don’t bring your friends. It’s either a “date” or “hanging out,” not both. And when the bartender approaches you, ask the lady what she’s having first before you order.” Jess adds, “No texting! If you’re on a date BE on a date! And don’t be a miserly tipper, girls notice that sort of thing.” And if you actually are interested in a bartender and would like to ask them out? First off, you’re (usually) not going to get her number or a date the first time you come in. Come repeatedly and if you can, come when it’s not very busy so you can talk. DON’T bring in dates or hit on others in the same bar. Tacky! Leave a good tip and be honest. “Why don’t you let me take you out for a drink sometime” is a good thing to ask. Just be sincere and not sleazy. If you’re more into the lounge scene, check out Nine at 333 Washington Street. Due to the long weekend, they are going to be open ‘till 3am on Sunday with a live DJ. There’s never a dearth of well-dressed, fun and attractive people there. The lovely barmaid, let’s call her Suzy, also offers up a few tips. “Don’t be too drunk when you approach someone and be careful about initiating physical contact too soon.” If you’re a guy, avoid the standard jeans-and-button-down-shirt uniform. “Try a sweater vest or something different. It will automatically let you stand out.”

If you are already dating someone, congrats! Flowers are always good but they can be the go-to item and don’t involve a lot of planning. If you want to get something great for your lady that takes at least a day of planning, go for the Chocolate Gift Box at Carlos bakery. Not only is it filled with chocolate cover strawberries and other delectibles, but the box itself is made out of chocolate and it’s only $35! Just give them a day’s notice.

So ladies, dust off that red dress and guys, shine those shoes! Make this long weekend one to remember! Hopefully, the 14th will be “Sunday Funday” for everyone!

How to meet them:
So you are unemployed or underemployed right now and can’t afford the lofty hotel roof/patio bar/lounges where the chic and sexy congregate.  Fear not!  There are many ways to still meet people around.  Many different organizations hold networking parties or meet-and-greets at some fun places.  Look online for your city and you’ll be surprised at the amount of the.  If you live in NYC, check out Moxieinthecity.net for fun and titillating events (www.meetup.com/moxieinthecity/calendar/10117464/).  Most of the time, they will have drink specials and everyone there is usually in the same boat.  So not only can you drink for cheap, you may find a great contact.  Even if you don’t, the other people there are also in your position.  You don’t have to suck up your ego and be chagrined.  That hottie next to you is probably someone else who is looking to grow and expand.  Feel free to talk about where you want to take your life.

If that is even a bit too expensive for you, there are plenty of places to meet people that require no money.  If you happen to be unemployed, use this time to go out and meet people during the day.  Bring a book or laptop to an outside café.  Go peruse your favorite section in the bookstores.  Take a tour of the parks in your area.  Bring a sketch pad and sketch some local landmarks.  Doesn’t matter if you can’t draw to save your life.  I was in Florence and sketched Michelangelo’s “David” and it looked like some weird fusion of a bobble-head doll and child’s drawing.  If you live in a big city, find a follow a group of tourists and see where they take you.  I have even left my cell phone at home and just wandered out, seeing where the day took me.  (I ended up in an underground/off-the-grid Korean nightclub, btw.  True story!)  And don’t feel bad that you are unemployed.  First off, everyone you meet during the day is, SURPRISE, not at work, so you immediately have something in common.  And in these tough economic times, it’s not unusual.  But when someone asks what you do, don’t spend time lamenting your current situation.  Instead, talk about what your plans are for the future.

So let’s say you’ve met someone and you want to go do fun things with them, but your wallet disagrees with you.  If you’re a girl, you may have the advantage of the man paying for everything.  However, as a guy, it can be a little more difficult.  There are many cheap and free things you can do without coming off as a skinflint.  (Look it up, good word.)  First off, acknowledge your lack of funds.  She’ll appreciate the honesty instead of trying to figure out why “dinner alfresco” means eating hot dogs from a cart.  Women love to know that you are thinking of them and that you are planning things.  They don’t have to be extravagant to make her feel good.  Pitch a tent in your backyard and have a campout complete with a campfire, s’mores and ghost stories.  Go to a local toy store and go down each aisle trying out all the toys.  Go to a thrift store or Salvation Army and try on fun and silly outfits.  Each buy an outfit and go out for the rest of the day in it.  Go to a car dealership and test drive some cars.  Have fake jobs.  Pretend the two of you are secret agents and follow a random person around without being seen.  Make up stories about who they are and what they’re doing.  When spotted or you lose them, find something fun to do right where you are.  Go to the park and climb trees; don’t be afraid to revert back to your childhood delight at the simple pleasures.   Spend an entire day trying to get as many free samples as possible.  Attend a lecture, discuss it over coffee.  Make up a bingo sheet of people (red hat, person with briefcase, elderly couple) and spend the day walking around, trying to find them all.  Pack a picnic basket with tablecloth, candles, silverware, etc… and go to McDonald’s.  Pretend it’s an elegant dinner.  You just have to think outside the box.  Everyone appreciates someone with fun, creative ideas.

So get out there and don’t use “no money” as an excuse to sloth it out on your couch.  Opportunities abound every day.  Go get them!